Oh, How It's Been So Long
by WinterSky101
Summary: Ahsoka seeks and finds closure. Fifth in "Reinvent Love."


**Title from "We're So Starving" by Panic! at the Disco.**

* * *

"Do you want us to come with you?"

Ahsoka looks at Anakin and Obi-Wan, both watching her with concern in their eyes, and shakes her head. "I have to do this by myself."

"Are you sure?" Anakin asks, as overprotective as always. "We could-"

"Anakin," Obi-Wan says, laying a gentle hand on Anakin's arm. Anakin subsides, although he doesn't look happy about it. Obi-Wan turns to Ahsoka. "We'll wait here."

Ahsoka smiles the best she can. "Thank you."

"If you need us, you have your comm," Anakin adds.

"I know," Ahsoka says. She looks down the hall, then slowly, she starts to walk.

The last time she visited a prisoner in a Republic prison, she was framed for terrorism and murder. The memory plays over and over in her head as she forces herself to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The fact that she's here to visit Barriss, the person who framed her, probably doesn't help.

Barriss is in a high-security cell in the depths of the Republic military prison. The name has changed, Ahsoka knows, but she doesn't care. It's still the same place. She has no desire to be here again.

Unfortunately, she doesn't have a choice. If she wants to see Barriss - and she does - then this is where she has to go.

"It's through here, Commander Tano," a helmeted clone trooper says. Ahsoka reminds herself for the thousandth time to talk to Padmé about officially stepping down as a commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, or whatever they've changed the name to.

"Thank you," she says, watching as the trooper swipes a card. The door opens.

"Be careful," the trooper cautions. "She can't use the Force, but she still shouldn't be underestimated."

"I know," Ahsoka replies, and she steps into the cell.

Barriss's face has grown gaunt, and she's not wearing her headdress or long robes. Her hair is longer than Ahsoka has ever seen it before. Her eyes look cold.

"Ahsoka."

"Barriss."

"I thought you left," Barriss says, sitting crosslegged on her cot. "That was the gossip, at least. The Temple offered to take you back, and you spat in their face."

"I didn't spit in their face," Ahsoka replies. "They offered to make me a Knight, but I didn't want it. I did leave, but I still fought for the Republic."

Barriss's lips curl into a smile. She looks somewhat unhinged, and Ahsoka wonders what all this time in a cell has done to her.

"What Republic? We're ruled by an Empire now. Everything I said at that trial has come to pass. The Jedi lost their way and fell to darkness. The Republic failed. I was right."

Ahsoka lets out a long sigh. "Barriss, how can you still be so blind?"

"I am not blind," Barriss spits. "You all were blind. _I_ saw-"

"You saw that the Jedi were falling, yes," Ahsoka says. "You saw that the Republic was failing. But your solution was _terrorism_ , Barriss. How does that fit the ideals of the Jedi or the Republic? How can you save them if you betray them?"

"I had to get their attention," Barriss snaps. "And if they had _listened_ to me, then maybe we wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe we could still be a Republic."

"Empress Amidala is working her way towards a Republic again," Ahsoka says. "The Jedi Order is being rebuilt in a healthier way. We lost a lot, but we haven't lost everything."

"We didn't have to lose it at all."

"Barriss, do you know what happened when the Republic fell?"

Barriss stares. "Of course I do!"

"Do you really? Or do you only know the gossip?"

"I know the Sith slaughtered the Jedi, and then your precious Empress Amidala seized power in a coup."

Ahsoka sighs. "Oh, Barriss. Chancellor Palpatine was a Sith. He did slaughter the Jedi, yes, but not all of them. And then Anakin and Obi-Wan killed Palpatine, and Empress Amidala took power to guide the galaxy back towards democracy."

"And everything will go back to as it was," Barriss retorts. She barely seems to be fazed by the correction to her story. "Things won't change, Ahsoka."

"Things have already changed, Barriss," Ahsoka replies. "We're rebuilding things from the ground up. We have a chance to fix them."

"If the foundations are rotten, then no amount of rebuilding will fix things. You have to destroy everything and start anew."

"Your master is alive."

Barriss blinks rapidly. _That's_ shocked her. "The Jedi all died."

"Luminara survived," Ahsoka replies. "I found her in hiding. Captain Rex and I went looking for Jedi survivors, and we found her."

Barriss bares her teeth. "And why do you think I care?"

"Because you loved the Jedi, no matter what you say now," Ahsoka replies. "And we're not all gone. I'm alive, and Luminara is alive. So's Plo, and Quinlan, and Jocasta, and Shaak, and Jasaac, and Caleb, and Eksto, and half a dozen younglings. And Anakin and Obi-Wan, and Yoda. We didn't lose everything, Barriss." She looks at Barriss. "If you want to rejoin us, I could speak on your behalf."

Barriss looks at Ahsoka, then laughs an utterly broken laugh. "Why would I want to rejoin you?" she asks. "And why would you speak on my behalf?"

"Because you loved the Jedi," Ahsoka repeats. "And you loved Luminara. And I think you still do."

"I bombed your Temple."

"You said you did it for our own good. You said you did it to help."

Barriss glares. "It's not like you ever believed me."

"No, but _you_ did, and that's what matters."

Barriss stands in a single, fluid movement and begins to pace. "They would not take me back."

"Luminara would," Ahsoka says. "She still talks about you. She's worried about you."

"She hasn't visited."

"We've only been on Coruscant for a few weeks."

Barriss laughs again. The sound feels like ice down Ahsoka's spine. "And she hasn't been able to make time? For that matter, you haven't either? If you cared so much for me, why did it take you a few weeks to come here?"

"Because you hurt me," Ahsoka replies. "You hurt me, and betrayed me, and I wasn't sure I was over it yet."

"And?" Barriss asks. "Are you over it? Are you exhibiting your Jedi forgiveness?"

"I'm not over it," Ahsoka replies. "It still hurts. But if you're willing to move past it and work towards making up for it, I'm willing to give you another chance."

"Waste your chances on someone who wants them," Barriss snaps, whirling to face Ahsoka. There's madness in her eyes. "I don't want one."

"What happened to you to make you like this?" Ahsoka asks. "You were _good_ , Barriss."

"The war twisted us all," Barriss spits.

"You're worse than you were then."

Barriss shoves out her arms, baring her wrists. Ahsoka can see the metal implants on either forearm. She knows what they are, and her stomach roils.

"I haven't touched the Force in over a year," Barriss says. "Do you have any idea what that feels like? Being blocked off from something that used to be like air? Is it any wonder I'm not the Barriss you think you remember?"

"Barriss, let me help you," Ahsoka says gently. "Please. We can figure something out."

"I don't want your help," Barriss says. "I don't need your _pity_."

"It's not pity, it's friendship."

Barriss scoffs. "I'm pretty sure our friendship ended the second I framed you for terrorism. This is pity, and I don't want it."

"Barriss-"

"Get out," Barriss says. "I don't want you here."

" _Barriss_ -"

"Get out!" Barriss screams. "Get out, get out, get out-"

Ahsoka takes a deep breath, ignoring Barriss's increasingly loud screams, and lets it out slowly. "You clearly don't want my help," she says, imbuing her words with just enough of the Force to make Barriss listen.

"I don't."

Ahsoka nods. "But if you do ever want it, it'll be available."

Barriss bares her teeth. "I won't."

"That's fine too," Ahsoka replies. "I just needed to make the offer."

"I am not your redemption," Barriss says.

Ahsoka shakes her head. "I don't need redemption. But you might. I can help you find it, if you want to. I know you don't now, but if you change your mind…"

"I won't," Barriss says. There's a long pause, then she adds in a long-suffering tone, "But if I ever do, I'll send for you."

It's a start. "Thank you."

She turns and moves to leave the cell. Right before she opens the door, Barriss says, "Ahsoka?"

"Yes?" Ahsoka replies, looking over her shoulder.

"Tell Luminara… Tell her I'm glad she's not dead."

Ahsoka smiles. "I will."

"I'm glad you're not dead too," Barriss offers. "For what it's worth."

Ahsoka's smile widens. "Thank you."

She leaves the cell, thanks the trooper outside the cell, and heads back up to the entrance. It's easier to walk through the halls when she's on her way out, but she's still on edge. Luckily, her conversation with Barriss has offered quite a distraction.

"Ahsoka!" Anakin calls the second she's in his line of sight. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," Ahsoka replies. "Barriss can't use the Force, Anakin. She was never going to be able to hurt me."

"I wasn't about to underestimate her," Anakin grumbles.

"Are you alright?" Obi-Wan asks gently, and even though it's almost the same question, Ahsoka knows he means something different by it.

"I am," she repeats. "It wasn't easy to talk to Barriss again, but I'm glad I did it."

"She doesn't deserve it," Anakin mutters.

"I needed the closure," Ahsoka replies with a shrug. "And I think she still has some light in her."

Anakin looks outraged. "She-"

"Anakin," Obi-Wan cuts in. "I think you ought to know better than anyone that even people who do horrible things can still have light in them."

Anakin scowls. "She's dangerous."

"She was a Jedi," Ahsoka says. "Maybe she can be one again, or maybe not. But either way, she was one of us, and I'm not going to abandon her."

"Padmé and I have been discussing some prison reform options," Obi-Wan offers. "Perhaps we can come up with some ideas to help Barriss as well."

"I think you're both crazy," Anakin says. "But if you needed the closure, Ahsoka, I'm glad you got it."

"Are you ready to leave?" Obi-Wan asks.

Ahsoka looks behind her at the long hallway. The last time she was here, her life changed entirely.

That's okay. She's made her peace with that. She doesn't have to keep looking back anymore.

"I am," she says, and the three of them leave together, looking forward.


End file.
